you said move on, where do i go?


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the muti-talented girl whose life revolves around her friends and family, good food, great talks, creative works, booty-shaking music and funky dance moves - I have a life, and lives it to the fullest."

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title:
date: Thursday, January 17, 2008
time:9:45 AM
There wasn't much for me to do yesterday as my dad had sent me to my grandmother's house for the day. He will do anything to get me away from Bishan so I don't go out. Really fed up with his attitude. I came home late yesterday as I just wanted to spent extra time talking to my grandma. She's so funny. She was the only one making me laugh for the whole day. Even though it was hard to explain to her in malay but I did manage to do it. HAHA! I tried to un-pack my stuff from my boxes, and I found an old diary of mine. It was like really old. I still remember it was my first diary that I ever bought for myself. It had all the stupid things that happened to me when I was 9. But there was one section that made me cry. I use to dream about what I wanted to be when I was young. Every child at that age would be planning what they wanted to be. eg. some wanted to be a fireman or docter. But for me, I just could not decide on what I wanted to be.

So I just told myself that when I grew up, I just wanted to be happy. Really happy. I did this time line in the diary and it was like this.

9years old- study
13years old- make it to a good secondary school and stay with my old friends
18years old- continue to study and stay happy.

Its funny when I was reading it. When I was young, all i wanted was to be happy. I never demanded alot and even happinesss I cant get. I just don't like the person I am becoming now. Always angry and sad. Breaking into tears whenever my dad does somthing stupid. It just not the same person. I don't know who I am anymore. Like I said, I care too much about other people that forget about myself. I'm so emotional. I know my monthly girlly visit are coming but since when am I so emotional. Just don't like the person I am now.

I called Shima yesterday to figure out where did they go. It seems like they didnt go anywhere. I feel really bad. It feels like its my fault. My friends have been planning this outing since SP period and I still cant get myself free on the day itself. I seems like they did their own things. Really sorry girls. I didnt want to invite you guys to my house was because the house was really dusty and dirty. There would not have been any food or drinks provided cause there isn't any. HAHA! :) Oh ya, I have been taking over the netball girls for this year. The girls went for their first south zone game yesterday and they went against BISHAN PARK. THEY WON!!!!!!! IN YOUR FACE!