you said move on (where do i go)

title:
date: Saturday, January 31, 2009
time:11:07 PM

P!NK is my latest obsession.

COUNTDOWN TO MY BIRTHDAY: 8 DAYS.
Don't really feel the pinch yet. Nobody from my family has asked me what I wanted yet. Maybe their running away from the fact that its coming. The recession is ruining my chance from getting money this year. It's not that I want it badly (not that kind of girl), I'm just trying to save up for school stuff and maybe a little of shopping. Its been ages since I last bought myself clothes. Nothing new basically. No time to look around, no money and totally caught up with school. See how my life doesn't exactly seem like a normal female's dream life.

TODAY. I spent it at home (as always). Watching OM SHANTI OM for a mere 100th time. Needed to find something interesting to talk for my VISUAL CULTURE journal. Did some of my assignments and spent the rest of the time, resting. I could hardly open my eyes yesterday night, and I was talking to my bf with my eyes closed.

YESTERDAY. I was on my way home from school and I saw something that ruined my appetite for dinner. I usually have to walk thru the interchange to get home and I like to walk in between the bus driver's lounge and this door that leads up to the carpark. Right in the middle of the pathway, there was a soiled, smelly condom that contained some black substance. Its DISGUSTING! ThankGOD I saw it before I accidently step on it. I really pity the person who had to clean it up. PLEASE PEOPLE! If your done doing your kinky business, please dispose your evidence in a place called A BIN.

Leaving it there for people to pick it up for you is the most inconsiderate thing a guy could do. I know you got high at that moment but please dude, not everyone in this world wants to know.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LAY SOOK SIN SHANTELLE!

title:
date: Friday, January 30, 2009
time:8:30 PM

I haven't been in the best of moods lately due to the lack of sleep and sleepless nights. Just don't seem to be able to get things back on track. Need more time to get them right, and i promise you, when it's done, things will be the same.

Had to drop by school for a 2 hour replacement class due to the public holiday on monday and tuesday. It wasn't fun, having to wake up on a friday when its suppose to be a non-school-day for me. Dragged by large ass to school and as per normal, I was late. Didnt do much, besides checking of our previous design assignments and also briefing of the upcoming assignments. After class, ME&SHA went over to TONG SENG for our lunch and then we headed over to J-CO, just to lepak.

Nothing more then that. Boring right. I know.

CIAO.

i know things are not the same anymore.
i have nothing more to say since last night.
i'm not selfish enough to make you quit your job.
you want to be understood, i will understand.
you want me to be there, i will.
now my life evolves around yours.
who needs to think about mine?
just know that i'm all yours now.

title:
date:
time:8:19 PM

HERE ARE THE BELOVED JANUARY BABIES!

We celebrated both birthdays in different venues so each birthday celebration is special. I made sure that all were a surprise celebration, and for most it did work.

HAPPY BELATED 23TH BIRTHDAY GINNIFER.
HAPPY ADVANCED 19TH BIRTHDAY SHANTELLE.

title:
date: Thursday, January 29, 2009
time:11:58 PM

Let me show you what one of my cutest friend did for our photoshop class. We were tired and cranky, and this is the most productive we could come up with. Well, let me explain the whole concept of the design.

The background is a picture of Singapore during National day rehearsal. Apparently, godzilla was part of the show. Its attacking our coast guards with its blazing breathe. The coast guard only had a miserable gun that doesn't look like it does anything. The hamster/caterpillar was added to have a more dramatic effect to the whole picture. The designer calls is "WAR". HAHA.

Celebrated Shantelle's b'day today and for once my surprise celebration didnt work. It's all my fault. HAHA. I'll get her the next time.

Well... Nothing more nothing less then this. Update again soon. CIAO!

title:
date: Wednesday, January 28, 2009
time:11:20 AM

Sorry is what i am.

Space is what i will give you now.

Happiness is not what i feel.

Love is not on my side.

If your reading this, I mean every word i say.

I'll just see you after my miserable, crappy birthday.

2009 is not my year.

title:
date: Monday, January 26, 2009
time:5:27 PM

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR TO ALL.

I'm not really enjoying myself today. Firstly, I'm dead bored and, secondly, I having a huge migraine from being bored. I so prone to having migraine's and i think there is something wrong my with brain. (i know my bf will be laughing after reading this cause he has always said that i'm crazy) I'm not crazy k? I'm just having a really bad migraine that keeps coming back and forth as when it likes. HAIS.

My whole family is outside watching the latest Tamil show and i'm stuck in my room, finishing up whatever leftover assignments I had. Its too not cool to be the only one not taking full advantage of this holiday. What to do, that's life!

My birthday is in 13 more days and i'm totally not feeling it. I don't feel excited like how i usually do and i don't feel like turing a year older. I love being 18 i think. Well, there is nothing to look forward to after turing 19, so i guess i won't be celebrating my birthday like i use too.

CIAO.

title:
date: Sunday, January 25, 2009
time:2:57 PM

Spent my Friday night with my mom, accompanying her to her EPSS reunion. I was her photographer and I was paid by getting free dinner at Sakura.

I have never seen her so happy before and its true that your secondary friends are the most important people in your life's. No matter how far or how busy we are, secondary school days will always be remembered. I listened to the stories and events that happened in their life and can't help but laugh at how fun my mother's friends were. There were those that still looked the same, those that were so loud and funny and those that rather kept quiet.

So many stories i heard and the one that really shocked me was when i found out that my mother wasn't really an angel in secondary school. i knew she had a few boyfriends in secondary school, that she kept behind her parents back but never to an extend that i almost choked on the sushi i was eating. but anyway, it was fun.

i don't really have things to update about. i'll be back as soon as i have something else. CIAO! :D

title:
date: Thursday, January 22, 2009
time:8:02 PM

today's classes were pretty relaxed. nothing better to do actually. first class was very child-liked. it was all about painting and playing around with colours. it was like we were reliving our younger days. HAHA. (it has been a long time since i last laughed.) :D

ended class at 12 then went for lunch at far east with the whole bunch. all of them couldn't really agree on what to eat so in the end, we broke up into 2 groups, so some were in subway while the other went to KFC. decided to stop eating junk food for the next few months. hope that is possible.

spent 2 hours in far east and had to head back for my next class. stupid photoshop class. couldn't really take the bus due to my concession so Shantelle, Fei, Sha and me walked back to school from far east and had a wonderful stroll along orchard before reaching back to school. arrived late but i did managed to understand what he was actually teaching us. some of us were too stress with photoshop so we decided to take photos on my photobooth. its been a long time.

headed home after school, and i was lucky enough to have annoying guys taking pictures. ASSHOLES! have lots to do but so little time. :D

title:
date:
time:4:31 PM

4 years 5 months has past.

title:
date: Wednesday, January 21, 2009
time:7:47 PM

WEDNESDAY! This is the only day that i don't seem to look forward too. Firstly, i had a horrible night. Secondly, the classes are boring and dry. Thirdly, i hate the way the lecturer conducts the lesson. It's boring shit. But i couldn't do anything about it so i had to drag my fat ass out of bed. I couldn't feel anything this past few days, besides the backaches that i have been having. Emotional nothing. Couldn't be bothered i guess.

I don't really have anything else to update about, so i guess i'll just leave it as it is now.

happiness isn't on my side no more.

title:
date: Tuesday, January 20, 2009
time:9:08 PM

Today went pretty well. Less fighting more laughing. Met up with the girls after school just to catch up on things. I really needed that and I wouldn't regret it.

I spent the whole night, thinking about things that has been happening in my life and somehow it has never been fair to me. I have done nothing to deserve crap, but somehow, crap tends to happen to me. School has been going well, catching up with assignments, paying extra attention to details in class and making sure i make the dateline for each assignment, with few days extra. My school life can never be more complete, except for my love life.

LOVE. Love either kills you or makes you a better person. For my case, its both. WHY? Don't have an exact answer for it now. I have always been the happy-go-lucky girl that has no problem making things work for her. But somehow, somewhere, I got lost. Never did understood myself till now.

Leaving in an emotional state, isn't a good way to get thru the day. Trust me. I have never been so emotional, sensative and frustrated since i don't know when. But anywhere, I would like to thank my friends for being there when i needed them. THANKSYOU! :D

ON THE 20TH, 21ST & 22ND, HAPPY ANNIVERSARIES TO,
SHIMA&SHAM
DEE&AHTANK
AISYAH&AMRIT.

title:
date:
time:12:27 AM

I don't wanna be the girl who laughs the loudest
Or the girl who never wants to be alone
I don't wanna be that call at 4 o'clock in the morning
'Cos I'm the only one you know in the world that won't be home

Aahh..
the sun is blinding
Aahh..
I stayed up again
Oohh, I am finding
That's not the way I want my story to end

I'm safe Up high
Nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party's over?
No pain Inside
You're my protection
How do I feel this good sober?

I don't wanna be the girl who has to fill the silence
The quiet scares me cause it screams the truth
Please don't tell me that we had that conversation
I won't remember, save your breath, 'cos what's the use?

Aahh..
the night is calling?
And it whispers to me

softly come and play

Aahh..
I am falling
And If I let myself go I'm the only one to blame

I'm safe Up high
Nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party's over?
No pain inside
You're like perfection
How do I feel this good sober?

Coming down, coming
down, coming down
Spinning 'round, spinning
'round, spinning 'round
I'm looking for myself - SOBER!

When it's good, then it's good, it's so good till it goes bad
Till you're trying to find the you that you once had
I have heard myself cry, never again
Broken down in agony just tryna find a friend

Ooo Oooo

I'm safe Up high
Nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party's over?
No pain Inside
You're like perfection
How do I feel this good sober
How do I feel this good sober

I'm safe Up high
Nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party's over?
No pain Inside
You're like perfection
How do I feel this good sober
How do I feel this good sober

PINK- SOBER.

title:
date: Monday, January 19, 2009
time:9:01 PM

I love you to death Amrit. I would do anything for you. Anything to make you happy, smile or even laugh. I would make myself look like a fool to make you giggle and much much more. This past few days, I can never talk to you without having this feeling that your just not there with me. Your either to tired or too busy with work. I can't talk to you cause I don't feel that your trying hard enough to be there for me. I know your tired but what about me?

I want someone who is able to still be eager for a conversation after a day of hard work or someone that had things to say, ask or tell. I need that from you. We hardly meet and that is the only thing I get from you every night. Knowing that your fine and having a fine or bad day makes me feel included in your life. I have problems too. I'm tired too. But somehow I pick up the leftover energy in me to talk to you with enthuasism. Can't I get that from you too?

I missed alot this past few days but this doesn't make things any better cause you don't seem to get the point. You called me, self-centered because I didn't care about you being tired, but who in the hell was the one that supported you with your work from the beginning. Who was there to tell you that things will be fine. WHO? You asked me just now, why should I call/msg you when I knew you were tired. I care amrit. i care deeply but you don't seem to get that.

You don't want me to care then pls tell me. It saves me the energy and mind power for the better things I have to do. Maybe that seems wrong but you make it think that way. I made the decision to not do anything anymore. When you need me then you find me. I don't have to check on you so often cause I know you'll be fine, your a big boy right?

When you need me for anything then you find me k? If not then just keep yourself with work and sleep cause that seems to be an important part of your life now. If after reading this and you decide to use my words against me then fine. Do whatever you think is best for you cause that keeps you happy.

title:
date:
time:9:00 AM

Stayed home to complete my assignments that doesn't seem to end. Nothing better to do anyway. If i were to do anything else, then i will just ruin my whole day. Nothing is the way it was, more quarrels, more frustration. i have a hard time trying to make things work for me and him but nothing is falling in place. we both have different schedules, different life's and different views, and that makes it difficult.

is it wrong to look forward to a conversation after a long day of school and assignments? NOPE.
is it wrong to have nothing to say?
NOPE.
is it hard for someone to put in the effort?
NOPE.

there is another 4 days to my 4years 5month anniversary that for the first time, i'm not looking forward to it. it was a big deal for me, to know that we have been there for each other for this long, helped and loved each other and making sure that we are both happy. but now its just another day. HONESTLY. i hate the feeling i have inside of me but it can't be thrown away. i still do love him dearly but nothing is the same no more.

title:
date: Saturday, January 17, 2009
time:11:27 PM

We had our first face-to-face quarrel yesterday and it was a huge one. The air was thick with anger. We never had a fight this big nor we fight infront of each other before. It was the first and most probably the last. We both didn't know how to control it at first but we managed. The fight to me, was kinda stupid but it meant alot to him. A word can cause pain, hatred, anger or frustrating and i guess the word, i used, hurt him badly.

I almost left the house with my stuff in hand, but he caught me even before i was able to get out. I was stupid enough to go for a drink before leaving and that gave him time to come after me. He was apparently pissed and started asking me question that i wasn't intending to answer. I know i would turn emotional so i chose to remain silent. But my silent made him heat up faster and caused the fight to level up. I didnt know what to do cause if i tried to make a run for it, i wouldn't be able to make it to the front door fast enough. Amrit is tall and big size, longer legs and apparently, long legs means faster speed. I was no match for his speed so i decided to stay like a good dog while his still asking me questions. not long after, his elder brother came to the kitchen and witness the whole thing. it was embarrassing but nothing can be done at that time. i decided to move back to the room where we could actually sit and talk. he went for a smoke while i tried to compose myself before he came back in.

it was still the same thing. asking of questions that i wasnt intending to answer and pointing of fingers. i was so hard for both of us that he stopped saying anything and lied down beside me, without looking at me nor holding me. the feeling hit me hard. so hard that i remembered the time when i was left alone like that by my ex. it was that same old feeling where you didn't know what hit you. i was crying. and all i wanted was his attention. no matter with anger or pithiness. i just needed it. i pulled him by his arm the first time and he didn't move, the second time was a charm. if he didn't move the second time, i would have left. he came closer and stared at me. i was so overwhelmed that i bursted into tears. i hugged him so he didnt have to see me cry but he kept pulling me back to wipe my tears.

i kept it in but it was too strong. the love was too strong. we just kept hugging each other, while i was being a cry baby.

i will never forget that day we faught. i will never forget that twitch you do on your left side of your cheek when your angry. i'll never forget how easy it is to ask for your forgiveness. i may have had taken somethings for granted but you will always know that i am there for you. i am. i may not show it well but i am. i maybe tired and restless but my heart and mind is always there with you. never forget that.

title:
date: Thursday, January 15, 2009
time:8:42 PM

Tagged by KASMI.

RULE #1 People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.

RULE #2 Tag 5 people to do this quiz and those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by and cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by continue this game by sending it to other people.

1. Do you have secrets?
YESS.

2. Would you fall in love with a boy/girl younger than you?
hmmm.. the last time i checked, i was already in love with someone younger than me.

3. How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?
If I'm head over heels about him than I will wait till the time fate brings us together. :D

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?
Buy things i've always wanted, spent on family, HOLIDAYS & keep for the future.

5. What will you be doing tomorrow?
Spending my time at the national library, completing my assignments. :(

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
Being loved by someone that you love dearly. :D

7. What do you love doing?
Hanging out with friends, family & boyfriend. Sports.

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
I'll be upset about it but there isn't any use crying over spilled milk right?
I'll live my life the same, this time, leaving it all to fate.

9. Is there anything that has made you extremely happy?
Being able to manage my life without my parents breathing down my neck all the time.
Maturing to be a lady with a huge potential to be great in whatever she does.

10. What makes you sad?
Fighting over issues that isn't important in life.

11. If you’re attached but you feel as if your partner likes someone else too, what would you do?
I'll ask what is he doing here with me when i'm not the one he yearns for every night. I'll pick up the courage to tell him that he should choose and continue with my life.

12. Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing the someone has done?
Certain matters are hard to forget.

13. What exactly are you thinking about now?
My pile of assignments waiting to be completed.

14. What is the most important thing you need from your boyfriend/girlfriend?
love, time and patience.

15. Do you believe that there’s “Love At First Sight”?
YESS. there is such things but it takes either of them to realise how they really feel for each other at that particular time and place.

5 people to do this survey:
- NADIA
- SHA
-SHANTELLE
-TAMMI
-RINA

title:
date:
time:8:09 PM

the day couldn't get any worst then today.

i woke up with a huge migraine on my left side. got ready for school and left without any hesitation. boarded the train, with a couple that was apparently all over each other in the cabin, even though they knew, there wasn't enough space to make love. i was right next to them. so f**king inconsiderate. my migraine got worst. i was apparently in pain, with an bunch of baboons that couldn't keep their hands off each other. the lady realised that my head was in pain and all she could say was...

"youngsters nowadays, always having a hang over."

who the hell was she to say that i was having a hang over. she was the lady who had no shame, kissing and touching her bf in public. oh ya, there was definitely some tongue action within that period of time they were together.

a migraine wasn't the worst thing i could ever ask for. being labeled as a "self-centered' girlfriend made my day. all i said was "busy" and it led to a huge fight between us.

a migraine + fight = disaster

there wasn't anything nice that came out of the conversation. we kept pointing fingers at each other, hoping that the other party would stop with his/her shit. we're both busy, tired and frustrated that we don't even have time to have a simple conversation. i don't know what to ask from him anymore? i really don't.

anyway.. sha has been craving for someone new in her life and finally she found the one she is 'loves'. finally got to meet him today and for a first impression, he was brave enough to have lunch with the whole class. he was quiet but quick to give answer to my stupid questions. he was nice and his more then welcome to spent time with us.

school has been the same. boring, dry and frustrating. besides that, life has been nothing but hell.

i went to hell and back.

title:
date:
time:2:54 AM

i drank 2 cans of red bull today, and its ending up in my hate list right now. i cant sleep. i'm cranky and moody. nothing makes sense. i needed someone to talk too but no one was around. that is how sucky tonight is for me. its almost 3am and my eyes are still wide awake. i have school at 9am and i think i will have problems waking up later.

don't bother about me now.
we're just busy.

title:
date: Wednesday, January 14, 2009
time:10:22 PM

it just doesn't seem right anymore.

title:
date: Monday, January 12, 2009
time:10:15 PM

"waking the demon" song woke me up from my comfortable sleep this morning. it was so early, compared to the days before today. somehow i wasn't angry nor sad but happy i had something to do today.

DRY is the best word that describes the day. we were all tired and frustrated that we couldn't keep up with what the teachers had to offer today. even though i tried hard to stay awake, i just cant help it but doze off once in awhile.

we had a 2 hour break after the first class, so 'lepak' at PS. did nothing much but catch up on what was missed during the holidays. so many things has changed about them and they seem happy, not because of school but because of life. went for our next class and still feeling sleepy. we tried to make it more entertaining by naming each other with the character's from the twilight movie. SOMEHOW, the guy you see from the top right picture is our lovable, romantic and 'handsome', edward cullen. bella swan is the 'tak-tahu-malu' sharazad sasman. ik fei is jasper, shantelle is alice, sean is edward's father (forgot the name) and ME, rosalie.

i don't like her. she's the one that has issues with herself. but somehow my friends thinks it works for me. i have my other reasons too why i rather not be rosalie and be myself. it was fun for awhile cause we kept calling each other by our 'famous' names. HAHA. it was fun.

apparently, we 'were' VAMPIRES. HAHAHAHA.

title:
date: Thursday, January 08, 2009
time:4:25 PM

this is my partner in crime. my accomplice whenever i do something no matter good or bad. he is always there. stuck to me like glue, following my ass where ever i go in the house or out.

i was in my room last night, on my laptop, just going thru my pictures and he just woke up from his sleep. it was only 8pm and everyone was doing their own work. the first thing he asked my mom was..

"where kakak?"

he went all over the house just trying to find me and when he did, he shouted to my mom and dad, telling them that he found me. he was so happy. since both of us were bored. we took pictures on my macbook then on my phone. his so smart. he knows whr the photobooth is and how to operate it. telling me over and over again that he wants to take AGAIN AND AGAIN. cute is what he is but annoying when i need my space.

title:
date: Wednesday, January 07, 2009
time:6:52 PM

school is starting soon and somehow i'm ready for it. my semester break has been too long and i cant take it anymore. i know it sounds stupid to say such a thing but i hate the feeling of being so bored and at home most of the time. time to get myself back on track, losing sleep and more school drama.

i ended my semester with a bad note and this upcoming semester is going to be more action, more thinking and better grades. i know i have a habit of saying but no action. its going to change. a new year, a new start.

last night, i sat on my bed thinking about my life. my family, my friends and my relationship. things are going to change. its already changing without me knowing and i don't want it to pass-by me without me knowing. i tend to cling on to the past and get hurt in the process. thinking about it makes me think about the things i'm doing now.

enough of the chattering. amrit has been taking his practical since 2 weeks ago, i think, and his doing so well. listening to his stupid stories makes me realise how much effort he puts into this and it makes me proud. i know he won't let me ride with him after he gets his license but even if i have to, i know he will bring it safely. i trust him.

listening to: neyo-mad.

title:
date: Thursday, January 01, 2009
time:11:28 PM

HAPPY 2009!

2008 was one hell of a year. from a new school to new classmates, growing a year older and getting my license. so many memories. but something tells me that 2009 is going to be a good year for me. hope its true.

left 2008 with a bad note though. my dad said i was too pampered, inconsiderate and selfish. i was called those things in the train, on the way back from grandmother's house, in front of foreign workers making their way to marina bay. the thing that really hit me hard was when he said i was pampered. i don't remember coming to him, asking him for money to buy things. i don remember me begging him for anything. most of the things i needed were from my own earning. my own money. though i don't work, i have savings.

inconsiderate. he says things without any reason. he says it for funny cause it rhymes with the other useless words that came of his mouth. its not that i don't respect him, u know. but its hard for me to understand, respect and take him seriously if the things he say don't correspond with who i really am.

anyway, that was the past and the future is right in my face. its see what are the upcoming things that i look forward for.

19th birthday.

parents 20th wedding anniversary.

meeting my classmates for a new semester of disaster and drama.

1st school year end.

celebrating all my peeps birthday.

my 5th year anni. ;)

hari raya puasa/haji.

it doesn't look like a lot of things to look forward too but there are those moments in between that are the best.

to all my peeps. a new year but old friendship. happy new year and miss u peeps.

to ahtank&nadia. happy birthday!

to family members. hmmmm.

to amrit. one more year with you is the best thing any girl would ever ask for. love you. don't forget to take your medicine.