you said move on (where do i go)

title:
date: Sunday, July 27, 2008
time:1:13 PM

i had a very bad night yesterday. couldnt sleep. couldnt even think straight. things have changed so much this past few months and i don wan it to be like this. but time is not making things better. i hate the fact that it hurts even more, each time and the more i cry, the more i wan to leave my problems behind. that is not a good thing and i'm trying not too.

yesterday, what he said made me realise, why am i doing this to myself. trying to make things better but in the end, i got 'slapped' in the face. "talking to my friends are so much better"&"if you didnt have anything to say, then why you msg me in the first place?'. how could someone say tt? someone as in your own boyfriend. talking to your friends are so much better, then go. whose stoping you? but pls, don come running back to me, just because your friends are not there to talk to you. talk to me because you want to if not then pls dont.

i didnt knw that msging someone, just to figure out whether his ok, is something that i cant do anymore. worrying about him is also wrong. it seems like i don need to do that anymore. hais. i thought that by this year... all of us should be mature in our thinking and behaviour. learning from our mistakes, and not try to make mistakes again. but it seems not. i cant be there to tell you or threaten you anymore. it cant be like the old times. you have to start thinking about yourself. about your future, just like how i'm thinking about mine.

i'm having a hard time just trying to concentrate on myself. thinking about myself is something i don do very often now. your in my head 24/7 and it worries me that i wont be able to do wat i need. but i'm not being force into doing it. i'm willingly doing it cause i wan it to work out. i was left speechless yesterday night and i don expect anything else from you now. thanks anyway for your honestly the past few days.

and if your reading this... i don think i'll be meeting you on monday. i just dont feel like going over to your house like this. so ya. if i do go then ok but right now, i don think its going to happen. just leave me alone. but if any emergency then msg or call.

title:
date: Saturday, July 26, 2008
time:7:21 PM

"I tryed to leave the past behind me but it just hurts so bad.

and i tell myself please don't cry, let it go and let the past be the past.

Everytime you try to get closer to me I'm fallin back cuz I can't go down

this road again memories won't go away constantly in control of my life

I don't wanna erase it all and forget about it all."

title:
date: Friday, July 25, 2008
time:1:44 PM

hey people.
i'm back again to post 'something'. not sure wat it would be but i think i'll make something up as i go along.

nothing much happened the past few days. went out wif shima&kasmi yesterday after school. it felt good. i really missed them and we really had lots of fun. we even took new pictures. the pics are really bad due to the fact that it has been almost a 'century' since the last time we took it. the past few days been sleeping late. not because of 'someone' but because of school work. i have lots of assignments thrown at me. its only the 3-4th day and i have about 5assignments. teachers here are cool. very outspoken and open minded. sometimes very open. even right now, i'm in the library and teachers are talking about how to use the 'f' word in a more sophisticated way. haha.

my classmates are really great. let me just give you guys are brief intro of all the friends. the first one is shah. she's from woodlands and she's like this punk mix with skater kind of person. she's not hard to find. just look out for her head that is flaming red in colour. hmmm... next is ellisa. she's from tampiness and she's like somewhat of a minah but not that bitchy kind. she's nice but scared of cats, just like me. hahahaha. next in the list is sean. he was from NP (2nd year) but then stopped cause he counldnt take the course. stupid fellow. his rich and cute at times. last but not least is vino. his the cutest guy in class and his indonesian. his so adorable too. but too bad. he has a gf. his really nice.

well.. those are my friends. they are really cool people. different race and different charateristics. school is fun with them and they keep me happy even when i'm feeling down.

argh... i'm so tired but enable to go home. still have another module and it ends at 6pm. how sucky can that be. i wan to sleep and continue wif school work. oh ya.. my dad made me happy today. hahahaha. he and with the help of my uncle, they are getting for me a macbook today. ahahahahha. so happy. cant wait. my uncle went around asking wat is the best for me and he convinced my dad that it was the macbook. i know its expensive but he has too.. for all this things that he gets for me.. i will pay him more when i get a good job for myself.

lastly.. for that 'person' out there. i don know wat is wrong wif you. you don seem to learn from your mistakes. i'm not saying you are bad everyday but cant you just not try to get into trouble. even once. you have been doing well the past few months but why start your nonsense again. pls la. i don have to tell you anymore, what is right and wrong but for once just learn how to walk away. if you still cant get wat i'm trying to say then i dont know wat to do anymore. oh ya.. when you have finished thinking about it and wan to talk to me then msg k. cause its been 2 days already. must be alot of things to think about right. well anyway... good bye.

title:
date: Sunday, July 20, 2008
time:6:44 PM

Ever since we graduated, nothing has been the same anymore. Life, love, school, friends and even family. i'm not sure if i've changed but if i do, i hope its for the best. a new year means a new beginning. i didnt expect it to be that hard. i thought leaving the comforts of sec school would be something that i needed but somethings really change drastic-ly.

LOVE...

Hmmmm.. if you were to ask me, how me and amrit would be after grad day, i would say... WE WILL BE GREAT!!!

but i guess.. that wasnt going to be easy. trying to continue OUR love far away from each other. we use to meet each other every single day till i cant stand his face sometimes but now.. i would die just to see him for a minute. the love is strong but time doesn't let us be together.

there were times when i thought it was going to be over. times when we just dont know wat to do anymore and times i would just wan to kill him. and we bear-ly made it alive. i know i put him thru alot of pain this year but i cant do anything to make things better. i'm just thankful that nothing bad happened and that, i can wake uo everyday thinking that his always going to be there for me, no matter wat. loving me and caring for me till the day i die.

i do love you amrit... but sometimes, u do get on my nerves. i cant wait to live my whole life with you and spent the bad and good times with you.

LIFE...

well... i have gone thru hell this past few months trying to get my fat ass into a school. always regretting the things i've done during school, like not being able to pass with flying colours. that regret will always be in my heart. if i only paid more attention than i would'nt be so stressed.

but...

i did get my school and i'm starting tml. one part of me is exciting while the other is just scared and lazy. starting school means making new friends and new teachers. i have to start from stage one AGAIN!

as for my personal life.. abit better.. i guess my dad kind of understand that im not going to be home much and his really letting me go slowly. i'll take that. as long as he doens't treat me like his little girl anymore.

FRIENDS....

HMMM.... my friends... they are fine. but i really do pity some of them. some of them are going thru a tough time and the only thing i can do is be there for them. i know they are strong enough to handle their probs but sometimes even they need a helping hand. i really miss them to death and i cant wait to meet them again. most probably for shima&kasmi's birthday.

i do miss you guys...

HAPPY ANNI DEE&AHTANK! 21/07/08

title:
date: Friday, July 18, 2008
time:3:25 PM

Hey GUYS!

i'm back after such a long time. my computer is finally repaired but not totally. i still cant download the latest msn messenger so i guess i just have to use the old version first.
feels good to be back. its been really boring wif life but school is starting on monday. had my orientation on wed and it was ok ok. nothing interesting. didnt really get to spent time wif any of my classmates. but overall, the school is ok. the malay girls there are just on my nerve. cant take it. wat a first impression! well, it looks like from monday onwards, my life is back to normal like the old times. more of school and learning. cant wait to get my laptop. every single time i talk abt my laptop, my dad tries to change topic. so typical of him. but one way or another, he has to get it for me. well... that is all for today. see u guys tml. I'M WATCHING BATMAN!!! WOAH!!!