you said move on (where do i go)

title:
date: Sunday, July 27, 2008
time:1:13 PM

i had a very bad night yesterday. couldnt sleep. couldnt even think straight. things have changed so much this past few months and i don wan it to be like this. but time is not making things better. i hate the fact that it hurts even more, each time and the more i cry, the more i wan to leave my problems behind. that is not a good thing and i'm trying not too.

yesterday, what he said made me realise, why am i doing this to myself. trying to make things better but in the end, i got 'slapped' in the face. "talking to my friends are so much better"&"if you didnt have anything to say, then why you msg me in the first place?'. how could someone say tt? someone as in your own boyfriend. talking to your friends are so much better, then go. whose stoping you? but pls, don come running back to me, just because your friends are not there to talk to you. talk to me because you want to if not then pls dont.

i didnt knw that msging someone, just to figure out whether his ok, is something that i cant do anymore. worrying about him is also wrong. it seems like i don need to do that anymore. hais. i thought that by this year... all of us should be mature in our thinking and behaviour. learning from our mistakes, and not try to make mistakes again. but it seems not. i cant be there to tell you or threaten you anymore. it cant be like the old times. you have to start thinking about yourself. about your future, just like how i'm thinking about mine.

i'm having a hard time just trying to concentrate on myself. thinking about myself is something i don do very often now. your in my head 24/7 and it worries me that i wont be able to do wat i need. but i'm not being force into doing it. i'm willingly doing it cause i wan it to work out. i was left speechless yesterday night and i don expect anything else from you now. thanks anyway for your honestly the past few days.

and if your reading this... i don think i'll be meeting you on monday. i just dont feel like going over to your house like this. so ya. if i do go then ok but right now, i don think its going to happen. just leave me alone. but if any emergency then msg or call.