you said move on (where do i go)

title:
date: Sunday, November 30, 2008
time:2:06 PM

FINALLY I'M BACK HOME.

i spent the past few days at my grandmother's house. it's some sort like a running away from my arguement with my parents. just needed to be out of the house. needed more time with some other people instead of them. spent 3 days with the rest of my cousins. had fun and sleepless nights. i don't really have much to update but all i have to say is..

I'M TIRED.

title:
date: Tuesday, November 25, 2008
time:4:57 PM

a holiday that has just started.

it has been about 2 weeks since my holidays started and its been ok. nothing interesting yet besides the surprise party at sha place on fri and the makan outing with my ugama classmates.
i have not been updating lately so let me just recap what happened during the past few days.

FRIDAY.
went out with sha, charlene, shantelle and fei. as per normal, the rest were so me and shantelle went to j co with our sushi that were bought and decided to sit there to have a gossip session. it was fun. just like in school but with no teachers to stop us. it was fun. then the 2 other idiots came and we made our way to zam zam for a late lunch. they ate while i took bits and pieces from the rest. full and sleepy, we made our way to the shops near sultan mosque and did some shopping. we were suppose to be following sha shopping but in the end, we went shopping too. i bought a basket bag fof $15. its so cute. i'm bringing it to thailand for my holiday on the 11th.

went walking around most of the shops then sat at this turkish shop for some expensive drinks. sat down to disturb each other and talking about sha's birthday pitt. *wink* the weird thing was, me and shantelle gave away alot of clues but that gundu had no clue at all. she was either blurr or ... HAHA. it was hard trying to hold things back cause it was exciting. i had to keep in close contact with sha's sister, to make sure if things were ok over there.

i left to meet my ugama friends for dinner. it was EXPENSIVE. can't imgaine myself spending that much for just a short dinner. but nvm. it will be the last time we will be spenting time together. it was fun. disturbing each other. taking pictures. eating and making ice creams.

met shan and charlene at woodlands after the dinner to get the cake and had to withdraw money again. hais. then headed over to sha's place. we didnt get lost and we invited her friends too. it was fun waiting for her to come up. we had her friends to surprise her first then us, cause she had no clue we were coming. she was shouting and i think about to cry. she kept asking us if it was really us and we had to assure it was really us. it was nice to see that my plans worked out and no mishaps. *winks*

SATURDAY.
went to meet amrit. we were suppose to go out but in the end, i feel sleep at his house cause i was tired from the sleepless nights at sha's house. we watched a movie on the laptop instead and ate fried rice which his mother did. his entire family was home and i THINK i'm not scared to come over anymore, whenever they are around.

TODAY.
went for a run at the stadium just now and i feel great. felt like the old me. had no time at all during the school period and now this is the only time i get to be myself. i wanna go cycling and playing badminton. anyone care to join me?

those were the only things that were fun. the rest of the days were boring, lame and boring. can't wait for the thailand trip on the 11th to 15th, movie outing with waty, shima and kasmi. meeting up with old friends, hopefully and spenting time with amrit.

title:
date: Thursday, November 20, 2008
time:9:18 PM

happy anni to me&amrit.

(22/11/08)

happy anni dee&ahtank.

(21/11/08)

happy anni to shima&sham.

(20/11/08)

It feels impossible to find.

Find someone that you could relate to.

Nothing makes sense since the last incident and nothing will.

I held my head high, just nice to see the glaring sun.

People were staring.

Staring at me.

I had that feeling again. The feeling of fear.

I continued to walk to school when something on the ground caught my attention.

Its was glaring in my eyes.

It looked like a chain. An old chain.

I slowly bent over to pick it up.

It felt empty but it wasn't.

The chain contained a picture.

Picture of a women.

She was beautiful. Flawless skin. Red lips. Pitch black hair.

She looked perfect but something in her eyes, gave me a weird reaction.

PART 2

Boring.

had nothing to do again. bored as per normal. did nothing much. celebrated my brother's birthday, YUSOFF. he turned 8 today. did for him a birthday card and left it on his side table for him to see when he wakes up. couldn't afford anything else, broke. so for all those, who's birthday is coming soon. sorry hor!

for my dear friends, dee and shima. who are celebrating their anni today and tmr. i wanna tell u guys that i'm really proud of you guys for going this far. your guys are very lucky to have girls like you in their lives. they better cherish it. ;)

title:
date: Tuesday, November 18, 2008
time:11:49 PM

She screamed.

Screamed at the top of her lungs.

Hoping for someone to hear her cries.

The town heard the cries but no one dared to move.

Respected citizens hid behind their wooden doors.

Animals hid in holes and nests.

As the fear soaked into their skin.

Fear kept her alone.

Fear kept her crying.

Fear was everything.

Her tears rolled down her soft skin.

Only falling on the top of her knee caps.

She dared not move.

She was alone.

ALONE.

Why is it so hard for the truth to sink in?

ALONE was what she felt.

Fear was what kept her ALONE.

My Story - Part One.

i was bored. my mind was filling up with things. weird things. writing was the only way those things could be exposed. i sense that my english has gone bad since my last examinations, and it sucks. i can't even write a story without thinking twice whether i spelt certain words correctly.

anyway. i hope you guys love the starting. more will come. just wait.

the past is history, the future is a mystery,

today is a gift.

(that is why its called present)

title:
date: Monday, November 17, 2008
time:2:50 PM

afiq, hafiq and my brother and ameera (in the background)

the birthday girl, my cousins and her friends.

the delicious cake.

the pink card was made by me!

ilham, the new addition to the family. isn't he adorable?

the boys in my life.

the witch's assistant.

asyraf, mom, yusoff and me

PICTURES PICTURES PICTURES.

been keeping myself busy the past few days. if i didnt, i would rot to death. on friday, went to my brother's musical. we was the witch's assistant. he was cute, with his whiskers. as for yesterday, i attended my cousins birthday party. she just turned 12 yrs old.

took my camera out from the closet after such a long time. decide to take more pictures, no matter where i go.

i love my amrit, you know? HAHA. we were talking about the past. before we were together. he was telling me of the things he hated about me in the past. my short hair in primary and he said i was stuck-up. STUCK-UP?! he was saying that i was playing hard to get. HAHA. he was the one that was quiet and didn't dare to talk to me, then i'm the stuck-up one. STUPID BOY!

he only hated 2 things about me. HAHA. but if you were to ask me (what i hate about him), i can give you a whole essay. HAHA.

its was fun during the past. :)

title:
date: Friday, November 14, 2008
time:2:29 PM

Boredom rules my world.

decided to piss WATY off by uploading this poster up.

I book her and the other girls for this movie outing!

title:
date:
time:2:08 PM

what a rough week.

i had a really rough week and i guess i hurt most of my love ones at the same time. i try really hard to keep it in but somethings are meant to be let out. but i'm glad that it's all over now.

went to school yesterday for my assessment day. everyone was dressed up. outsider might how thought we were having our graduation night cause that was how well-dressed all of us were. its a lovely day but then we had to wait for 3 hours outside our assess classroom and waited to be called in. everyone was hoping not to be called in. called in means bad news. in the end, we didnt find out how much we got and we left with all our work.

went to KFC after the whole thing and spent time making fun of this couple kissing. they were not eating anything but they were annoying most of the people around them, including us. HAHA.

i know i was mean to say those things to you but you didn't know how i felt.

i was stressed and you were not helping.

i had too many things on my mind.

i could sense that you were really angry yesterday but you kept it inside.

you just don't know what i have been through this week but i don't blame you.

all i can say is..

thanks for trying.

title:
date: Monday, November 10, 2008
time:11:50 PM

what a show.

i cant believe that me and my 4 other classmates actually went to watch this silly show. it scary to watch cause SHA was covering her face whenever the sound effects gets louder. i sat beside her, and felt paranoid. she was the one that scared me but not the movie. its not that scary. its all about the real life ritual done in thailand. that was all. after the show, lepak at Cathay for awhile before moving off. we were laughing so much that my throat hurts.

ISP is over but the stress is not over yet. i still have my assessment to go on thursday and that is the important part. i know i have been moody due to stress and thankYOU to my caring friends for cheering me on. its going to be a normal thing for me now. moody, stress and etc. nothing can be changed.

as for you, i don't think you true-llyy understand me. you think you do but you don't.

title:
date:
time:1:01 AM

amritdave singh, read this and get it into your stubborn HEAD.

don't call if your trying to find fault with me. i'm not in the mood to entertain people like you in my life ok? don't keep asking me about things that stress me up. you just wont understand get it! why? why amrit? just leave me alone. just don't bother ok.

title:
date: Sunday, November 09, 2008
time:11:04 PM

finally i know.

i was stupid and over-confident. planning too far ahead. i fell flat on my face today. without anyone noticing, i was picking myself up slowly and painfully. i just don't learn from my mistakes. i think i can do it but cant. i just can't. my life depends on this but i don't feel safe at all.

i keep telling myself that things are going to be fine but they are not. no one knows what i go through. no one knows how hard i fell. and how hard it is to pick myself up again. no one knows. i depend on too much people to cheer me on and not my dreams. have you ever done something cause people think you can do it but not you? well, i have. i'm doing it now.

how can i leave this house with a smile, while knowing i'm living a lie?

title:
date: Saturday, November 08, 2008
time:9:03 PM

UPDATING AGAIN.

i did go for the wedding i was talking about from my previous post. it was a very different wedding. i didn't know that my distant relatives were actually pakistanis. it was cool and awesome all together. all the girls were beautiful and the guys were HOT! just imagine, malay girls will die for an arab bf right? well... pakistanis are also the same kind as arabs. too die for. i was surrounded by them for the whole day. HAHA.

before i was at the wedding, met my bf and yuvin at the mrt station and he told me to wait for yo so can take the train altogether. i didnt know why i waited but i did in the end. talked to my bf while waiting then took the train. haha. i was in baju kurung while the guys were in their normal attire, felt so left out.

but anyway, the wedding was awesome. it was like, i was in an hindustan movie. my aunties tried to be funny with me just now. she asked all the cute guys to sit with me cause they were right behind me, talking about me. i could hear everything but they didn't realise. they were so nice and my aunties introduced them but they were concentrating at only one. his name is SYED. his 2 years older but looks young. he was so sweet. he took drinks for me and food as well. we talked throughout the whole wedding.

he made me laugh and it felt good to actually relax. his eyes were beautiful. just imagine staring at light grey eyes with long eye lashes. HAHA. he was nice, too nice.

then it got so much more interesting. he asked if i was attached. i was stuck. i couldn't tell him cause he would report back to my aunties. he was waiting for an answer and i said no. i know i did a wrong thing but i couldn't say yes. he had that wide smile on his face and i just smiled back. i left the wedding without saying goodbye to him cause his mother needed his help with stuff. i left with a heavy heart. it felt as if i did something wrong. but there is nothing wrong with just talking to another guy right. (cute guy)

in the end. i left but had a blast in the end. so much drama in my life makes it so much more complicated.

title:
date:
time:2:44 PM

i will never finish on time.

my father doesn't understand how significant my project is. he thinks that i will be able to finish is on time if i do it later.

now i have to attend a wedding so that my other distant family doesn't talk bad about us. why in the hell do you care about how or what they say about us?! as long as we civilised human beings then it should be fine right. hais. i have plenty of work to do and at the same time, i have to save my family from being talked about. indian families should just put a plastic bag over their heads and walk so people don't know who you are and won't start talking about you!

title:
date:
time:12:36 AM

I WANT TO WATCH TWILIGHT!

I just only watched the trailer and its AWESOME! SYG, LETS GO!

SHA. now i know why you are dying to catch this movie!

title:
date: Friday, November 07, 2008
time:11:13 PM

photo booth is a distraction in our lives.

my classmates were hit by the photo-booth virus and will never recover from it ever, in their lives. we MUST take at least more then 10 pictures a day, and i thought shima was a photo-holic. HAHA. it's cute but they are invading my hard drive space.

had a fun day today. went over to amrit's house, doing the usual stuff. disturbing each other, him carrying me into the house like a moron and acting stupid. HAHA. we don't usually take pictures cause it feels weird to do it with him but i will start this habit the next time i see him. i was in house with the boys, harvin and sandeep but didn't realise there was another girl in the house as well. HAHA. it was this chinese girl and i was so shocked. i couldn't see her face well, cause i left my glasses in the room, she looked nice. i THINK she did smile at me. HAHA.

then was outside his front door, he wanted to smoke. i was bored so went out to talk to him for awhile. as per normal, he was being really rough with me, thinking i'm like one of his brothers. then out of the blues, just because i said he wasnt strong enough, he carried me into the house, over his shoulders. the fear. i'm not scared of heights but to have someone carry you that way, fear! HAHA.

amrit, you are "STRONG" k?

projects? hmmm... FUCK her. i spent the whole night completing my work so that she could check it but you know what she had to say!

aisyah. i don't think its a good idea to use photoshop for all of your work. too risky.

the pain i had to go through just to learn that stupid software. ask shima. hais.

why in the hell did you ask me to change it to photoshop yesterday! such a *****. now i have to spent my whole weekend re-doing my project which is due on Monday, 2pm.

title:
date: Thursday, November 06, 2008
time:6:51 PM

Contradicting my life.

I know i have not been the best person in the world but i try my best. I have made plenty of mistakes but i always try to make it up to those that i hurt the most. somehow my life is still filled with bad luck and misery. maybe its karma.

life? i have no life. turning 18 was not a good idea after all. more of this and that. mixture of problems, from school to family or school to relationship. i always think to myself, why do i get myself into this much trouble that i regret them in the end. thank god, my friendship problems are over, if not, that would be another addition to my hectic life. school sucks my life away, at an expensive price. i know i was naive enough to get myself into this mess, and now i have to crawl out alive, by myself.

family? they are alright i think. my dad seems to be worried about me. IT TOOK HIM THIS LONG?! he was telling something funny yesterday.

"aisyah, please take care of yourself. no boy girl relationship and don't start any bad habits. your attire should be decent but nice ok? no singlets or tank tops, ok?"

HAHA. funny shit right. let me analysis that. i am taking care of myself. i'm in a boy girl relationship. i don't have any bad habits, i think. my attire is decent. since when have you seen NUR AISYAH D/O A. LATIFF dress in a tank top or a singlet before. pls! i don dare come out the house i those things. maybe at home but outside, in public, no way. his a funny father when his concern but irritating when having one of his moody moments.

friends? i hate them. HAHA! how can i hate my peeps. i hate them only cause they make me miss hanging out with them. but overall, we are all alright. miss them alot and cant wait to meet them soon cause i need to talk to them about some stuff. shhh..

we were at burger king just now, sha and charlene JUST only realise that i'm very naughty and talkative. who doesn't know that about aisyah. i can talk when i'm happy and when i'm mad. nothing can stop the force in me! HAHA! i know i made them laugh till they cried today and i'm glad i made their day, not like that CRUELLA!

school? shitty place to spent your education. its a cool and fun school. lecturers there to help but not when your in trouble. they are rude to the parents. how dare they? they need to get their system right. if not... i'll give them a piece of my mind. (like real! HAHAHA!)

projects? OMG! enough said.

relationship? this part of my life is not that perfect right now. from one fight to another, for the past 3 days. its like a cherry on the top of my creamy life. fights are normal but i don't know why he thinks differently. of course i'm pissed but that doesn't mean i'm going anywhere. i'm not that childish you know!

" i had no intentions of hurting you. thats the last thing i would ever wanna do. i don't like you crying. cause i really hate it. and you have given me much more love then i can ever ask for. so the thing is, i still love you. and i hope you do too."

amrit

the first few parts were sweet and i know his making it up to me but what in the HELL was the last part for. and i hope you do too??!?! i maybe pissed at you but that doesn't mean i hate you. guys will always be guys. nothing can change that. the piss-ness is still in me and i have to let it die down. i may sound as if i don't want to talk to you at times, so don't get the wrong message.

my life is filled with ups and downs, mostly downs now. and i'm filled with stressed. nothing can help me change my fate nor stop it, but keeping myself happy at times, really helps. i take the train everyday with a sad face. a girl filled with stress and problems, hidden behind a smile wherever she goes. can't help it. the aisyah, you use to know, the girl always with a smile is no where to be seen. maybe she's trap somewhere waiting to escape.

sigh.

title:
date: Wednesday, November 05, 2008
time:11:43 PM

What am i waiting for?!

my mind is not with me right now. its wondering somewhere,waiting for answer to appear. my work is not complete, nor started. my life is depending on this project but my mind is not there. infront of the comp for almost 4 hours and still nothing productive. crying is not the answer either. i'm not myself anymore.

why cant i stop crying?!

title:
date:
time:8:05 PM

speechless.

sitting by myself today. doing my work with my headphones on, blasted to the maximum. nothing unusual happened but i started thinking about my relationship. its funny how your heart melts when you think about that one person. i hate it. it shows how dependent i am on him. Its not good. i was always used to getting things myself, doing things myself and living my life the way i wanted but now, i need him for everything.

it breaks my heart to know that we are not the same anymore and we both know that. after our fight, i regretted so many things in my life. i'll just keep them deep down. i just don't know why.

i sat on my bed at 2am this morning, with the phone in my hand thinking whether it was a good idea to call him. thought about it too much that it drove me crazy. i took a chance and called but no one answered. somehow i was relieved and upset. relieved cause i somehow didnt have anything to say and upset cause he wasnt there for me to talk too. it's a funny thing how our heart works.

i'm not an independent person anymore & i need to change. cause depending on other people won't get me things that i need in life.

back to my dramatic school life.

had a hard time in class trying to finish my project up but i was too caught up with other things. my projects doesn't seem to be over and its killing my brain cells one by one. i hate the feeling of not being able to ensure mysel

f that things are going to be fine. hate it!

lecturers reminding students that if we fail, we have to repeat this project again for the holidays and pay $300 more. this school doesn't want brilliant students but money! everything is because of money! everything! aRgh!

life filled with misery and drama leaves me speechless.