you said move on (where do i go)

title:
date: Wednesday, November 05, 2008
time:8:05 PM

speechless.

sitting by myself today. doing my work with my headphones on, blasted to the maximum. nothing unusual happened but i started thinking about my relationship. its funny how your heart melts when you think about that one person. i hate it. it shows how dependent i am on him. Its not good. i was always used to getting things myself, doing things myself and living my life the way i wanted but now, i need him for everything.

it breaks my heart to know that we are not the same anymore and we both know that. after our fight, i regretted so many things in my life. i'll just keep them deep down. i just don't know why.

i sat on my bed at 2am this morning, with the phone in my hand thinking whether it was a good idea to call him. thought about it too much that it drove me crazy. i took a chance and called but no one answered. somehow i was relieved and upset. relieved cause i somehow didnt have anything to say and upset cause he wasnt there for me to talk too. it's a funny thing how our heart works.

i'm not an independent person anymore & i need to change. cause depending on other people won't get me things that i need in life.

back to my dramatic school life.

had a hard time in class trying to finish my project up but i was too caught up with other things. my projects doesn't seem to be over and its killing my brain cells one by one. i hate the feeling of not being able to ensure mysel

f that things are going to be fine. hate it!

lecturers reminding students that if we fail, we have to repeat this project again for the holidays and pay $300 more. this school doesn't want brilliant students but money! everything is because of money! everything! aRgh!

life filled with misery and drama leaves me speechless.