you said move on (where do i go)

title:
date: Saturday, January 17, 2009
time:11:27 PM

We had our first face-to-face quarrel yesterday and it was a huge one. The air was thick with anger. We never had a fight this big nor we fight infront of each other before. It was the first and most probably the last. We both didn't know how to control it at first but we managed. The fight to me, was kinda stupid but it meant alot to him. A word can cause pain, hatred, anger or frustrating and i guess the word, i used, hurt him badly.

I almost left the house with my stuff in hand, but he caught me even before i was able to get out. I was stupid enough to go for a drink before leaving and that gave him time to come after me. He was apparently pissed and started asking me question that i wasn't intending to answer. I know i would turn emotional so i chose to remain silent. But my silent made him heat up faster and caused the fight to level up. I didnt know what to do cause if i tried to make a run for it, i wouldn't be able to make it to the front door fast enough. Amrit is tall and big size, longer legs and apparently, long legs means faster speed. I was no match for his speed so i decided to stay like a good dog while his still asking me questions. not long after, his elder brother came to the kitchen and witness the whole thing. it was embarrassing but nothing can be done at that time. i decided to move back to the room where we could actually sit and talk. he went for a smoke while i tried to compose myself before he came back in.

it was still the same thing. asking of questions that i wasnt intending to answer and pointing of fingers. i was so hard for both of us that he stopped saying anything and lied down beside me, without looking at me nor holding me. the feeling hit me hard. so hard that i remembered the time when i was left alone like that by my ex. it was that same old feeling where you didn't know what hit you. i was crying. and all i wanted was his attention. no matter with anger or pithiness. i just needed it. i pulled him by his arm the first time and he didn't move, the second time was a charm. if he didn't move the second time, i would have left. he came closer and stared at me. i was so overwhelmed that i bursted into tears. i hugged him so he didnt have to see me cry but he kept pulling me back to wipe my tears.

i kept it in but it was too strong. the love was too strong. we just kept hugging each other, while i was being a cry baby.

i will never forget that day we faught. i will never forget that twitch you do on your left side of your cheek when your angry. i'll never forget how easy it is to ask for your forgiveness. i may have had taken somethings for granted but you will always know that i am there for you. i am. i may not show it well but i am. i maybe tired and restless but my heart and mind is always there with you. never forget that.