you said move on (where do i go)

title:
date: Monday, February 16, 2009
time:10:33 PM

Its very hard to make things sound fine. I have doubts. Doubts that make you think about what you have in life and what you seem to lack. I put up a fake smile everywhere hoping that someone would notice that something is wrong. I don't know how to explain it. I guess only Shima knows what i'm talking about. I want to be myself but its hard to be. I want to live life the way I use too, but dreams comes in the way. I love everything about the past life but now i find no peace with it. I have problems, just like everyone else. I do thinks that make people angry, that I seem to lose interest in talking. You want me to be happily talking, smiling as i speak my life away, but your not there to make me smile, no more. This does not refer to anyone, but myself. Don't get me wrong. Things are not the same no more. AISYAH KNOWS.

I know most of you would read this and not understand how its going to end, honestly, i don't need your help. I learned to grow up&mature. Living by myself without the comfort of anyone else. People come and go. AISYAH KNOWS.

You asked me why i sound so fierce or moody whenever it comes to talking to you. I think too much before speaking a word cause things i say may spark a conflict. I know you have dreams too, but my dreams always evolve around you. I'm sorry if i don't sound the way you want me to, I can't help it but be this way. 'Emo' may the word most of you would use, but I would rather call it 'alone-ness'. That is how i feel. Doing this alone in my life. Maturity is what i gain but happiness is what i lose.

I don't expect you to understand. Just know that I support you in everything.