you said move on (where do i go)

title: i, aisyah latiff, suffer from SLEEPING DISORDER.
date: Tuesday, April 27, 2010
time:4:38 AM

i think too much.

i started the day on a good note.

had lunch with grace at pastamania, but after that..

everything just went on a downfall.

firstly, why in the hell didnt i bring my laptop?

i could have done alot of things, with it.

i just practically sat there while everyone was doing something.

felt like a bloody fool.

someone of them told me to do some sketches, i tried, but nothing was inspiring.

so in the end, i decided to head back home.

secondly, i think i have a sleeping disorder.

its scary.

especially if i was on the train (circle line).

it takes me less then 5minutes to doze off.

im dead serious about this.

that day, i almost miss my stop, thank god i realised where i was.

just now, was on the train with ben, and i dozed off, almost leaning on this malay lady.

ben was totally laughing.

he said, "i should have videotaped what you just did"

SHIT!

so embarrassing! :(

i didnt dare to look at the makcik after that.

i practically make myself look like a total dumb ass in public.

i'm soooooo going to get my beauty sleep once ISP is over.

not forgetting..

my holidays start next week.

end of YEAR2 for AISYAH!

YES!

SHANGHAI HERE I COME!

:)))

title: once a sinner, always a sinner
date: Monday, April 26, 2010
time:3:43 AM

firstly, this is not an "emo" post.

i just need to express myself.

i have so many things running thru this head, that its hard to pay attention.

LIFE. LOVE. FAMILY. FRIENDS.

OHHGOD!

the 2L'S AND 2F'S that gives you the most headache.

ARGH!

i guess only god can judge me for the decision i make now.

title:
date: Friday, April 23, 2010
time:10:00 AM

i wish it was this easy too.

title: the outer colors.
date: Wednesday, April 21, 2010
time:11:55 PM

sleep-less nights are playing a toll on me.

memory loss and emotional deprived, i suffer from.

i need a break soon.

a break, far away from everyone.

where stress is a sin, and love is a venture.

i've been busy as you guys should know.

ISP, is a bitch.

everything seems to be in the way.

i miss the simplest of things, like the tv, my bed and even my mom&brothers.

it feels like i've not seen them for decades.

i come home and their almost ready for bed.

before i even wake up, they've gone to school already.

its a really lonely place, if you take the time to realise it.

off to IKEA tmr, with the group.

not sure how many of them are going, but i'm determined to not waste anymore time.

i have alot of things that i need to come up with, so basically,

no delaying.

if i have to go alone, then fine with me.

hope i can get the things i need by tmr, so i can start on drafts.

ohhyes, did i mention that its our 5years 8month anniversary.

its been a long dark journey, but somehow its been worth it.

i know we went through tough terrain, and back,

but nothing compares to the love that has nurtured us with happiness.

i know i'm getting mushy now, but what can i say..

i still get butterflies whenever he comes close.

its like we're back in sec 2 again.

knowing that he is there, staring.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY AMRITDAVE SINGH! <3

peace.

title: next to him.
date: Tuesday, April 20, 2010
time:8:58 PM

title: a land before my time
date:
time:2:39 PM

apparently, now i look like Cera, from Land Before Time.

they did a little comparison, and everyone is convinced.

the only connection i see, is our hair.

the shape of our heads, but besides that, i don't see anything else.

title: my mr bright-side.
date: Monday, April 19, 2010
time:10:07 PM

no one can take that away from you.

you're my heart, my soul and my inner demon.

brighter then the sun and jupiter combined.

am i yours?

title: Usher - OMG [Official Video]
date: Sunday, April 18, 2010
time:9:51 PM

title: dreaming of the day.
date:
time:9:42 PM

gonna get my polaroid camera from my parent's closet, and start shooting.

i want pictures of all my friends.

what say you guys, wanna help me decorate my room?

title: I can't read your mind. But I can kick your ASS.
date: Thursday, April 15, 2010
time:11:26 PM

Happy. Yes, i'm in the best mood ever now. Energized. Well, simply said, i had a great double date with Amrit, Yuvin & girlfriend, Sheryl (i think). Caught Kick-Ass just now, and i can definitely take back my words about it being rather lame. Its freaking funny. I guess it made me believe that you can be whoever you wanna be. Even a superhero.

Before the movie, was in school for a group meeting. Got most of the things done, including my SAS 3D assignments. Everything is complete, now i just have got to hand it up. One down, two more to go.

ISP is going on smoothly now. The mayhem hasn't really started yet. Everything is still manageable. I have my ideas roughly put together, but needs more evidence and support to it. Definitely will be working on it. Started on my Marketing Report and slowly making my way through it. Not my favourite thing for now, but i'm determined to get the best out of it.

Another sleepy school day tomorrow. Don't really like the timetable for this ISP. Everything is in the morning, and everyone knows i'm not a morning person. I have trouble waking myself up even. Today, i was suppose to wake Alex up, who is always late, but in the end, i was late. I actually snoozed my alarm, went back to sleep, at the same time, trusting myself to wake up in 5 minutes. It does work, sometimes.

I guess i'm off to do work now. Toodles! (Ewwwwww! STOP IT EH AISYAH! ) :)

title: sing like me.
date:
time:11:19 PM

isn't he just BEAUTIFUL!

I know my latest posts have been rather different, but i just can't help it.

The body.

The biceps.

The tattoos.

The hoody.

Everything is so BEAUTIFUL about him.

I can totally smell what he's cooking. :)

title: i saw myself in someone else's eyes.
date: Wednesday, April 14, 2010
time:11:28 PM

i don't know what is this feeling, i'm going through now.

self conscious about the way i am, in someone else's eyes.

i don't want to return to the past, cause it will just hurt even more.

i have problems, and i need to realise that soon.

i just don't want to walk around with the confidence of a 12yr old girl.

things need to change, SLOWLY BUT SURELY.

....

...

maybe i should just list down the things i wanna do, or should do.

but then that will just stress me even more.

ohh god, why must i feel like this NOW?

AISYAH NEEDS TO DO SOMETHING SOON, BEFORE SHE LOSES HERSELF AGAIN TO STUPIDITY.

title: i wanna get messed up with his SITUATION.
date: Tuesday, April 13, 2010
time:10:20 PM

i think i have a puppy crush on Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino.

just look at him.

LOOK!

how can someone not love those junks..

title: tiptoe-ing, i love.
date:
time:9:33 PM

, originally uploaded by ΛDΛM.

My calfs hurt everytime i have to tiptoe, just to give him a hug.

title: I NEED MORE HAIR!
date: Monday, April 12, 2010
time:8:53 PM

7 days of obsession: photography., originally uploaded by sandy☮.

aisyah, you will be determined to keep your hair as long as possible, so that it will be as gorgeous as this, PERIOD!

title: i want you to need me
date: Sunday, April 11, 2010
time:10:00 PM

What else can i say?

Throughout the pass 5yrs plus, all i ever wanted was for you to need ME.

title: Down Under.
date: Thursday, April 08, 2010
time:2:01 AM

this has "me" written all over it.

08th April 2010; 2:02AM

Group work ended about less then 10 hours ago. So technically, that means 3 more important assessments, and that is excluding ISP. I can proudly say that my group did better then expected. We were confident but never knew that we would get such comments from 2 out of 3 lecturers. But nonetheless, congratulations to us! :)

Starting from next week, i'll be starting on my year end prOjects, ISP. Not quite sure what topic i should do. Thought of doing on IKEA, but thought of pushing myself a but further in terms of ideas. But we shall just see, what i REALLY decide to do, the next coming weeks.

As you guys know that i'm always up at the most ungodly hears of the night. For the first time, as i walked out of my room, heading to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water, i felt so.. unwanted. Felt as if, i was the outcast of the family. They have been having family dinner, and i'm not there. They watch tv together, and laugh at the same things, and i'm no where to be found. I come home very late nowadays, and its beginning to sink in. I know it sounds stupid, but i don't know why i would even think this way. I think i just miss spending time with my mom. Having our "girl" talks and ridiculous dance sessions. OHHH GOD! I feel like crying now. I hate it when i'm having my period. It makes a cry baby! ARGGGHH!

Ohh yeah, on my way back home just now, i walked past this couple that was having a huge argument about the guy not calling her, or spending time with her. From the looks of the guy, he was probably in he's NS period, bold and really tanned. He was speechless. He looked like he was going to breakdown. He was trying to calm her down, but she just kept on blabbering about her issues. He was lost. He was.. unsure what he had to do. In the end, she left him there, alone. And he just sat at the interchange alone, before moving off.

That situation just got me thinking about the fact that Amrit is going for he's NS soon, and i'm not sure if i'm ready. HAHAHAHA! That sentence just doesn't sound right. He is the one that is going NS, but i'm the one that is not ready. Maybe because i'm so used to seeing him everyday in primary/secondary days. Hearing from him everyday, so i guess i would definitely feel rather uneasy. But, I definitely wouldn't want to be like that girl, but somehow i can totally see myself doing or saying such things. Paranoia. Lets see if Amrit is any different from that guy. See if he does keep he's PROMISES!

if i sing you a song, would you sing along?
or wait till i'm gone, or how we push and pull.
if i give you my heart, would you just play the part.
or tell me its the start of something BE-YOU-TIFUL!

title: TRY
date: Tuesday, April 06, 2010
time:11:52 PM

If i walk, would you run?
If i stop, would you come?
If i say you're the one, would you believe me?
If i ask you to stay, would you show me the way?
Tell me what to say so you don't leave me.
The world is catching up to you.
While you're running away to chase your dream.
It's time for us to make a move cause we are asking one another to change.
And maybe i'm not ready.

But I'll try for your love..
I can hide up above.
I will try for your love..
We've been hiding enough.

If i sing you a song, would you sing along?
Or wait till i'm gone, oh how we push and pull.
If i give you my heart would you just play the part.
Or tell me it's the start of something beautiful.
Am i catching up to you?
While your running away to chase your dreams..
It's time for us to face the truth cause we are coming to each other to change.

title: Your LOVE is my drug.
date:
time:3:27 AM

I never realised i had my cuteness since i was young. ;)

06th April 2010; 3:31AM

Less than 2 days left, to our datelines and we're still rushing for work. Everyone is in deep shit, if we don't pick up the pace. The thing that pisses me off the most, would be the fact that, all datelines falls on the same day. The same freaking day! What is wrong with this people!

ARGH! I feel/look like shit! I have not had a proper sleep in a long time, and the last i had was at Amrit's house, while he was watching tv. That was the only time no one disturb me. I really need to rest soon, but unfortunately not now...

My friends think I've gone crazy, my judgment is getting kinda hazy. My status is gonna be affected if I keep it up like a love sick crackhead. What you've got boy is hard to find.

title: I want to be a billionaire, so freaking bad.
date: Sunday, April 04, 2010
time:11:29 PM

04th April 2010; 12:02AM

I walked out of everything we worked so hard for. Before i made my decision, i sat in your room, waiting for an answer. An answer that eventually led me to think that you don't deserve such a life. A life that involves me.

ME = LIAR.

Someone that is afraid to take one step back and look at the bigger picture. A girl that thinks she needs more in life, when she already has everything she could ever have. A stupid girl, i was. I couldn't decide.

Went down the staircase, crying. Stopped in her tracks, as she forgot to give back her ring. Went through her bag, but couldn't find it. He called and she answered. He was on he's way down and she began to panic. She didn't want him to chase her down, but he did. He followed her, as she kept telling him to go away. He grabbed her by her wrist and dragged her, in the rain. Walked though the rain, drenched. Cold. He demanded answers and all she could do was, cry.

"Do you want me or not?"

The one question she dreaded, hearing. She stood frozen in her tracks, in he's glare. Tears started to build up, and he saw her cry. She tried to hold everything back, but she wasn't strong enough. She was weak.

"I want you, but not this way."

She watched, the words, break him into pieces. Wished she could take it back, but it was too late. She was being honest, to herself for the first time. He dragged her on. She stared at the ground, every time she passed someone. She didn't want them to see her cry. Still in the rain, they walked. The further they went, the tighter he held on to her. The tighter he did, the more she would struggle.

They sat under a shelter, side by side. With a huge gap in between. He wanted answers. He wanted it now. He wanted honest answer, but she couldn't bear to see him shatter.

"What did i do, to deserve this?"

She knew the answer, but didn't dare say it out. No words were suitable. Silent was her final answer. He grew frustrated, and got up. He was about to leave. She sat there crying. It was for real now, she thought.

"So this is it?"

He turned and didnt know what to say. For the first time he was speechless. He couldn't find the right words. He was shattered inside. So was she.. She wanted, tried to leave, so many times, but he kept holding her hand. Pulled her back down to her seat. He pulled her back down to earth, back to reality. Cause all she wanted to do was, drown in her dreams and expectations. Drown in her sorrow. Blame the world for her misery. She wanted to be anywhere else but there, with he's sinful glares.

They talked, shouted, pulled, pushed, looked away, etc. It felt like forever..

"All i wanna know now is, do you still want this?"
"Yes or No."

She took a deep breathe and said whatever that was right. Whatever she thought was what she meant. She followed her HEART.

"YES"

Her memory went blank. Blurred by her tears. He pulled her in, swung his arms around her and squeezed the life out of her. He held her tight. He wasn't gonna let her go, for sure. She understood it now. She understood why he came after her. She understood why he shattered. SHe understood everything there and then. She finally understood..

They sat there, in each others arms, cold and exhausted...

title: My worst decision in life was to listen to my HEART.
date: Thursday, April 01, 2010
time:2:11 AM

1st April 2010; 2:16AM

Let the music blast. We gonna do our dance. Bring the doubters on. They don't matter at all, cause this life's too long.

Overwhelmed with emotions. Everything doesn't fit, and its just the beginning. I can't take it. I thought i could do this, but who was i kidding. Life is full of mysteries, but i wouldn't want to solve this one. I deserve something better in life, get it in your head.