you said move on (where do i go)

title: dear daddy,
date: Friday, July 09, 2010
time:1:13 AM

just gonna stand there and watch me burn, thats all right because i like the way it hurts.

The fights have got to stop. We have got to stop doing this to each other. We do nothing but blame each other, for the way our lives are. Stop blaming me for turning out this way. I use to think I was always the reason for why I never turned out normal, but the fact is, I love myself, the way I am. I wanna live my life this way, with the people I love, so you don't have to judge me just because of this. We're wasting so much time, on stupid things, and forgot the importance of living with each other. I don't wanna wake up, one day and realize its too late.

We've wasted my teenage years fighting over everything I use to do. My grades, my netball, my money, my friends. It has always been me. I'm gonna leave this house, one day, and when that day comes, I wanna get the blessings of both you and mommy. The days I would come home, and cry in my room cause you don't treat me the way you treat the boys. You look at me different, and I was always the guinea pig. I use to cut myself. Yes, cut my wrist. I admit it now. I still have scars to remind me of my stupid decisions. I felt pain everyday, dad. I was never good enough for you, at least that was how you made me feel.

You were so over protective, controlling and negative. You always had something negative to say about the way I ran, or the way I passed the ball. Like the time I was training for sports day. You took a piece of paper, and drew out a freaking graph of the track and shouted at me, of the right way to run. I told you to leave me alone and let me do my thing, but you didn't. You screamed even more and told me I would be slower if I didn't do what you said. I didn't do what you said, dad. You were watching me from the stands, and you could see that I did well. I brought home a gold medal, dad but all you did was congratulated Asyraf for he's medal.

Why is hard for me to impress you? I did everything right dad. I competed in swimming, track, netball, football and volleyball, but none of it was enough for you.

I was never the perfect daughter, I get it. But at least give me the credit for trying. I was an embarrassment to you, the child that didn't turn out the way you wanted, i get it. You don't have to make my childhood a living hell. I don't wanna live my life with a father I didn't want to rely on. Normal kids would wish to be a doctor or a football sensation when they grew up, but all i ever wanted to be, was your baby girl.