you said move on, where do i go?


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the muti-talented girl whose life revolves around her friends and family, good food, great talks, creative works, booty-shaking music and funky dance moves - I have a life, and lives it to the fullest."

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title: CATALOGUE! CATALOGUE! CATALOGUE!
date: Wednesday, September 23, 2009
time:4:47 PM
Stuck in class with nothing else to do but re-design a fashion catalogue. Inspiration seems to be missing and that affects the progress. Nothing much is going on in my mind except for last night. The feeling of numbness and frustrations runs thru my veins, and I can't do anything to make things go away. Amrit keeps telling me to forget about it, and i will try, but im a female species. Female species has the tendency to remember the past very well and tend to cling to it. That is nothing new to us. So what difference does it make for me right?

I was struck with the truth last night, and somehow i wouldnt say i disagree. The ugly truth hurts more when it comes from someone special. TRUTH. Truth does hurt, but it hurts more if you don't do anything. I made a promise last night that i'm afraid i cant uphold. I will try but if it doesn't work out, does that mean i'm a hypocrite? I sat on my bed, thinking of the different things i could be labelled. Brat, bitch, hyprocite or even a stingy money-face cunning slut. Who knows right? The whole night i thought through about my life, family, friends and even my relationship, and i still don't know what is missing. What do i lack, that leads me to be like this?

I do things, hoping i don't commit the same mistakes i did before. My parents trust was broken before, and i try my hardest to not repeat it again. So now.. I do things, thinking about what my father would say or think if he were to find out. Make sure i make him proud of who i was, as a human being. Make sure my mother doesn't have to walk down the street with her head down low, with shame. Simply said, its not easy to please everyone. Honestly, i have done many things that has disgraced the family and i will take the blame. Aiyoh.. What the fuck am i talking about?!?!

I'm just really emotional and torn apart. Its not the time of month, if someone of you guys are wondering. Its just another emotional breakdown, i think. You cant blame me for feeling this way, when i have tons of assignments piling up and a major airline project that needs to be completed in 2 weeks. Life is stressful, as always for me.








P.S I never things would lead to this.