you said move on (where do i go)

title: should i be a lil bit concern?
date: Friday, July 16, 2010
time:12:59 AM

"he has mad personality."

had a rather interesting conversation with Grace this afternoon, about the problems i've been having. it wasn't easy at first, but I guess I really needed someone to talk too. even though, I know that there wasn't much she could do, she was still willing enough to listen. as she listens, she understood every single thing i said - and that made it even easier for me to open up.

i can honestly say, i've never opened up this much to anyone before, and it was a good start. the first time in years, i've talked about something like this w/o breaking down - and when i say breakdown, i really mean breakdown, life changing. i guess, as i grew up, my life was already a mess and i never knew how to clean it up. i made plenty of mistakes in the past and never knew what to do after. the only way i thought i could, was to do everything my parents wanted me to do. believe whatever they wanted me to. its like a propaganda issue. i follow the leader, w/o thinking through the cons cause the leader put it in such a way, there was nothing better then him.

that was/is my greatest mistake. not cleaning up my life properly. getting rid of the problems before they pop back up into my life. its never easy, for me. i always thought, if i put the past behind me, paste a fake smile on and pretend nothing was wrong, then maybe, no one would realise a thing. i guess the past is catching up with me, and its time for me to do some spring cleaning.

spring cleaning season is here, and i'm starting with my relationship first.